


Amongst The Stars

by TheBravePrincess



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: After Clarke leaves, Bellarke, Canon, F/M, Fluff, I put my life into this work so you better like it., feels feels feels, feels overload
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 08:08:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6897718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBravePrincess/pseuds/TheBravePrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"- “To be honest with you,” he breathed into my hair “I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about; and I have a heart. A  heart that’s aching to see you smile again.” I pressed my face into his chest. I was beginning to trust him, and that scared me. Every minute that I spent in his arms gave him new ways to hurt me. And the weird part was, I didn’t think he would hurt me. But a false sense of security had hurt me before. -"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amongst The Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Yes. This has been posted before... kinda. It wasn't finished and I wanted to see if you guys would like the idea. Apparently you did. So I made some changes, finished it, and deleted the old one. I self disclosed a lot of my personal feelings and some of my life story in this. Writing this was a therapy for me, so I hope you liked it. 
> 
> Make sure you leave a comment and kudos!

They slipped briskly  
Into an intimacy   
From which they never recovered.  
-F. Scott Fitzgerald

The journey back was harder than any I had ever endured. Both physically and mentally, I was exhausted. Niylah and her father had gifted me a beautiful black horse to ride, but the poor animal was becoming weak, so we rested on the side of a rocky mountain covered in crags with dry weeds springing from them. From there, I could see the dim lights of Camp Jaha illuminating the dense fog. In the months I was away, I tried my hardest to rid everything out of my mind, but I couldn’t. The memories were becoming foggy and the faces of the people I cared about were difficult to retrieve from the back of my mind. I knew it was time to return home when I had a dream of a faceless Bellamy, who ignored my every word.   
I promised myself since I was a little kid, that I would remember all of the most important memories for my entire life. But, as I sat on a boulder around my weakening fire, I realized I had forgotten the feeling of my lips on another person’s. The memory of my last kiss with Finn still burned brighter than my first and maybe last kiss with Lexa. The thought of either kiss still forced a shiver of pleasure and breathlessness to roll up my spine. I played both memories over and over again in my mind in an effort to recall something I might have missed. Each time I tried, the vision blurred. The last kiss I could remember clearly was with someone I never wanted to see again.   
I could remember the pressure of the kiss with Finn. The stares of both the Grounder army and my people made the kiss more intense and frightening. I could remember the exchange of breath and the way he faded away after his last words: “Thanks, Princess.” Just before that, I told him I loved him, although I didn’t. I wasn’t sure about my feelings then, but I needed him to know that someone cared. And I know he knew that I cared, but seeing as he kept stalking me silently in a silent ghostly form after he died, I thought he knew my true feelings. Lexa’s kiss was different: soft yet powerful, like the flap of an eagle’s wings. I could feel Lexa’s love through the touch of their lips, and it felt wonderful, but I didn’t exactly feel the same way.  
I was never the girl that people were interested in. I was never one for dating, and I kept to myself most of the time on the Ark. I was the daughter of the most powerful woman in space, so I knew what power was like. Being Wanheda differed though. It was exhausting and the time that I had spent away from everyone was like a bird being released from iron bars. Everyone expected something from me, and it was nice to just be a hunter for a while.   
My journey away from my people was liberating and stressful all at once. I began to understand the way that the Trikru and the rest of the clans felt in the forest. When I left my people, all those months ago, I had nothing packed. Honestly, I had decided to leave spontaneously because I didn’t think I’d be able to face the people I saved by killing hundreds of innocent Mountain Men. I survived in the forest using strategies that I had seen the Grounders use. I trapped rabbits and picked berries and lost myself in the Earth. In the time I was away, I had learned more than I have in my entire life. I experienced a new kind of hurt, and subsequently experienced a new kind of strength: I met a man whilst stumbling through a part of the forest with unrecognizable foliage. His name was Alonso, and he led me to his people, the Yujleda. There, they treated me like one of their own. Alonso helped me forget my pain and didn’t judge me for pulling the lever, and because of that, I began to fall for him, and it seemed like he fell for me. “I love you.” His lie echoed in my brain, as I recalled the time when he learned my native tongue, just so he could be with me. That didn’t last long though, he was caught intertwined with another girl. I never knew what people meant when they said love hurt, until I felt my ribs crack in half when he said he didn’t love me anymore. I shouldn’t have trusted anything he said. 

I met Niylah when I stumbled across her trading post in the forest. She gave me shelter and companionship while I caught rabbits and hunted furs for her to trade. She listened to my rants, and understood. She was thankful that I stopped the Reaping which had taken her mother from her. She and her father hid me from their fellow Trikru, and for that I will be always grateful. The people there either treated me like an outsider or Wanheda. I did miss my people, especially my mother and Bellamy, but I rarely thought about them except for times like these, and in my nightmares.   
Sitting and thinking around the fire was not one of my favorite things to do, but ever since I began my journey back to Camp Jaha, all I have is alone time. I was about 10 miles away from camp, If I ride quickly, I could be there by tomorrow afternoon. My horse had rested for a number of hours, and soon he would be ready to deliver me home.   
The sky was gradually getting lighter, but it was blanketed in dark grey clouds that made me slightly claustrophobic. I wished I could peel the clouds away so that I could see the sky where I had once lived.   
I mounted my steed once the sun lighted my path. The horse was still a little weary and I could feel it through the rhythm of his breaths, but I felt the Camp calling my name. I needed to go home, if I could still call it that. I pushed my horse forward, and with a heavy sigh, he began his bumpy trek. With each of his long strides, I could feel the tension arriving. All I could do was hold onto my horse’s mane and embrace these last few hours of peace.

I felt a burst of pain in my leg as I tumbled off of my horse, who had tripped on a root in the forest. I knew he was getting tired, but Camp was only a mile away, and my excitement was beginning to be uncontrollable. The pain subsided into a dull ache as I stood up quickly to walk it off. My horse lay on his side on the ground and didn’t even attempt to stand up again. His breaths were ragged and his side rose and fell quickly. I gently yanked the bradle off of him in order to help him breathe more easily. My thoughts were flawed, and as I moved the reins out of the way, he struggled to rise. I calmed him down and let him rest as I checked the rest of his body. His back leg was sprained and there was no way for him to walk home. His eyes followed me while I kissed him on the head, promised that I would come back for him, and left him lying on his side. A rough neigh called for me as I disappeared through the trees and realized that I had abandoned one of the only beings that genuinely cared about me. 

Shots rang out as I reached the field that stretched in front of Camp. I almost didn’t recognize it because new trees and bushes had grown since I left. The gunshots took me by surprise, obviously. I probably looked like hell and I was on our land, after all. But I hadn’t heard gunshots in a long time, and I almost didn’t recognize the sound.   
“That's Clarke! Stop shooting!” I heard the harsh voice of someone I had missed dearly: Bellamy. “Clarke!” I saw him running towards me from across the field. His steps in the long grass caused a path to form behind him. His arms were swinging at his sides and the gun slung over his shoulder was bouncing against his back. “Clarke!” I didn’t know what to do, so I froze until he reached me.   
He put his hands on my shoulders as soon as he was within an arm's-length of me. I studied his face while he looked over me. His eyes were a window to his soul. Even when we were partners back in the dropship, I could always tell how he was feeling by glancing into his dark brown eyes. Now, he was relieved to see me, just as I’d hoped. But there was something else in his eyes that I had only seen once before, which was when I left. It was affection. Bellamy smiled with just the corners of his mouth. I had missed that smile.  
“Hey, are you okay? How have you been? Where did you go? What hap-...”   
“Bellamy.” I stopped him before he could ask any more questions. I really did not feel like answering them. Before I could stop myself, I wrapped my arms around his waist. He reluctantly reciprocated by tightly enveloping his strong arms around my shoulders and resting his chin on the top of my head. For a moment, all of my fears faded away. I was once again with person who made me feel the most comfortable; the person who wouldn’t let me do anything alone. I breathed in his scent. Musky, sweaty, smoky, Bellamy. His hands gripped my shoulders securely, as if to say ‘Don’t leave me again.’ I pressed my face into his chest as if to answer ‘I won’t leave you again.’  
“Clarke?!” Bellamy released me and I looked over his shoulder to see my mother and Kane quickly approaching, leaving their own trails behind in the overgrown grass. My mother Put her hands on the sides of my face to examine me, like she always did. Her face looked visibly older, probably from the stress of being Chancellor.   
“You never said goodbye!” My mother said, suddenly pissed off, just like any other mother when their child runs away from home for a long time. Honestly, when I left, I didn’t even think to say goodbye to her. I didn’t think of her at all, and for that I will feel forever guilty.   
“I’m sorry, Mom.” I said sullenly. I really was sorry. She hugged me tightly, not nearly as tightly as Bellamy did, but still tightly.   
“My horse is hurt about a mile from here,” I told them. “Can we go back and get him?” Kane laughed.   
“Yeah, I’ll send a team out to get him.” He said playfully.   
“What? Why are you laughing about?” I felt irritable all of a sudden. I felt like my emotions were overwhelming me. I was finally home, and all Kane does is ridicule me. I expected some mockery and hate, but not from him.  
“You finally come home after all these months, and the first thing you ask is for me to rescue a horse? Come on, let's get you settled back in Camp.” Mom put her hand on my upper back to guide me. My matted hair draping her fragile hand. 

Just as I expected, I was greeted by hateful glares, concerned stares, and uneasy glances. I cut cut the tension with a knife. I must have looked nervous, because Bellamy set his hand on my shoulder to steady me. The touch of my best friend’s hand gave me power, and I walked to the heart of camp with an unwavering gaze.   
“Clarke?” I heard the familiar voice of someone I hadn’t thought about in months. Raven ran towards me with Wick by her side. Her prosthetic leg looked a lot better than it did when I left. “How have you been? Where did you go? Are you ok-...?” Raven began spitting out the same questions that Bellamy did. I dismissed her with a hug, which she carefully matched. I kinda expected her to still hate me. I was a bitch before I left.  
“I missed you.” She said. “We all missed you.” She said it softly, as if she didn’t want anyone else to hear. I understood.   
“I sent a team to retrieve your horse.” Kane said from behind me. “They should be back in a couple hours. For now, let's get you settled in. I’m sure Bellamy wouldn’t mind giving you a tour.” Bellamy sighed for an unknown reason and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze as if to say ‘Let’s go’.   
He led me away from the group and I could feel my mother’s eyes burning holes in my back. 

The sun peeked over the thick clouds as Bellamy showed me Arkadia’s renovations. A handful of log cabins were built about a quarter of a mile away from the original ship. Wreckage was removed and buildings were built to house a medical facility and a daycare. Arkadia looked… a lot better than it did before I left. For some reason, a thought popped into my head that it was my fault that it looked so bad before. Maybe it had been my fault, I helped us join a war.  
“So when are you going to tell me what happened out there?” Bellamy interrupted the tour and stepped aside so that he was facing me with his hands on my shoulders.  
“But nothing really happened.” The truth. “And I only came back because I thought you all might have needed me.” A lie.   
“Clarke,” He said my name breathlessly, like he didn’t even mean to say it. “We will always need you. You are the glue that kept us together during our hardest times. And I-”   
“Thats a lie.” I cut him off and pushed his hands off my shoulders. “You don’t need me, and you didn’t then either. I killed all those people in the Mountain. I killed Finn. I am a monster and no matter where I go, I will always be the same killer.” Tears began coating my bottom eyelids and were waiting to plummet, just as I was waiting to crash to the ground and break down like I really needed to. “I let everyone down. I failed my people.” I tipped my head down and my tears fell. I knew in the back of my mind that I was being a bit overdramatic. I was accustomed to keeping my emotions bottled inside to appear strong for my people.   
“Hey.” Bellamy’s usually gruff voice became empathetic and soft, and that was rare. “You are not a monster, and I gave you forgiveness already, remember? You belong here with us. With me.” I looked into his eyes and saw stars. My mother used to tell me that if someone looked at you with stars in their eyes, you were meant to be together. The stars in Bellamy’s eyes were obvious. I panicked. They were not literal stars, like the stars in the sky, but if someone looks at you like you’re the sun and the moon and the stars combined, and you feel the same way, you are unstoppable. All I could see was red as I turned and sprinted back towards the heart of camp; to Raven. I needed someone to talk to. Bellamy was calling my name as I left him in the dust. 

When you say you love someone, you can’t just change your mind. With three spoken or unspoken words, you have given them a promise. A promise to be loyal. A promise to keep their trust. A promise to stay with them and look after them. Once those three words were spoken or emitted, there was no going back.   
I had told Finn that I loved him right before I killed him, and for that, there would always be an ounce of regret. Lexa’s kiss told me that she loved me, and she still does. The weightless feeling I felt in my chest suggested that I could love her back, but I couldn’t. Being with the Commander of an army that hates us is not a good idea. - I don’t know if Alonso ever loved me, and because of him, I don’t know if I ever could trust anyone again. The stars that I saw in Bellamy’s eyes were starting to show that he loved me and honestly, I was deeply afraid of falling in love. Relationships could end in three, equally terrifying ways: breaking up, marriage, and death. Nothing scared me more than being in love. It was weakness. It posed a distraction. It could lead to heartbreak, which hurt more than any injury a bullet or spear could inflict. But, love was something that could only be truly and wholly experienced once, and I had experienced the mediocre version three times before. I was also afraid that once I experienced the real thing, the high would be over as soon as it started. I think the scariest thing about falling in love was that there was always an opportunity to fall out of it. There is no signed contract, no promises that can’t be broken, and no guarantees that the person that you love so much will stick around. One day, they could wake up and realize that they deserve so much more.   
As I left Bellamy calling my name, I could only think about leaving again. I was not ready for this. Bellamy was my best friend, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about him in that way. We had been through so much together, and this step just seemed like too much. He didn’t try to chase after me. He knew me too well.   
“Clarke.” I heard Kane calling me from under the new Arkadia sign. Despite my urge to run past them and flee into the mountains, I reluctantly walked up to him and the group of guards he had circled around him. I wanted more than anything to hear the pounding of hoof beats beneath me, signaling that I was getting farther and farther away from all this stress. But, I couldn’t.   
“We ran into a group of Grounders.” One of the guards said. My heart dropped. “They led your horse away. They said the Commander will only give it back if you go to their camp and get it yourself.” Was my horse really worth the pain of facing Lexa? No. Seeing Lexa again would kill me, mentally and maybe physically.   
“Then I guess I just lost a horse..” I trailed off, wondering if reuniting with Lexa would be so bad. I could convince her to become allies with us again so that in case one of the Skikru did anything stupid, we would have a cushion. Then after the meeting, I could lead my horse back, so that if I got too drained, I could leave again.   
“Uh oh. Clarke’s thinking again.” Kane teased, and I realized I was staring into space as I carefully predicted and planned what would be said between Lexa and I.   
“Okay, I’ll go get him.” I told them. Before I finished my sentence, my mother ran up from behind Kane and said wearily “Bring Bellamy and a gun with you.” Suddenly, she felt like being my mother, rather than my leader. 

I know my mother. I know that she is afraid of my absence again. I know that she thinks that Bellamy will keep an eye on me. 

***

“Look.” Bellamy attempted to break the awkward silence between us. “ I’m sorry for what I said. I bet it surprised you.” I wished he would have just let the silence be. The sound of two sets of footsteps was reassuring.   
I didn’t respond for about 30 seconds afterwards, the pressure of his anticipation lingering. “ Yes. You surprised me.”  
“But why?” He asked like he already knew the answer, but was hopeful anyway.   
“I…” I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was scared to be in one. I didn’t want to lose what we had before.   
“You don’t think of me in that way..” He sighed “I get it.”   
“No no no. That's not it, Bellamy.” I stopped walking and turned to face him. His face was flushed and his eyes looked suddenly tired. But he looked at me like someone seeing the ground for the first time.   
“Then what is it? What happened while you were gone? Why won’t you tell me? Was it that bad?” I have never heard Bellamy beg for answers like this before. It was pretty funny watching him grovel. His dimples were prominent and his voice got higher.   
I quietly giggled and his face lit up like a torch. I missed him, a lot, while I was gone.   
“I met someone who-”   
“You met someone? Who?” Bellamy was red-faced with steam coming out of his ears. Jealous.   
“Bellamy, I haven’t even said four words and you’re already interrupting?” I rolled my eyes and his face relaxed and returned to its normal color.   
“ I met someone while I was gone. Alonso took me to his people and after convincing me he loved me... he broke my heart.”   
He slung his gun over his shoulder and wrapped me in his arms. I pressed my face into his chest and heard his heartbeat speed up. He smelled like pine trees, and gunpowder and Bellamy. He pressed his cheek into the side of my head and whispered “I will never do that to you.” I closed my eyes and savored everything about being held by someone who has cared about me since the beginning. I melted in his arms and he held me so close I thought me might fuse together.   
“Wanheda, Klark kom Skaikru, You have returned.” We pulled away when we heard a gruff voice belonging to a member of Trikru. As we released, his fingertips gently and barely drifted down my arms. I rejected Bellamy’s eye contact, feeling slightly embarrassed at the way I reveled in his touch.   
“I will lead you to the Commander.” The muscled and heavily tattooed Grounder stated, turning his back with the expectation that we would follow, and we complied. I could sense Bellamy’s smirk as we shadowed the man in the direction of Lexa. 

***

“Klark.” Lexa greeted us at the outskirts of her village. He usually hard expression became increasingly more welcoming as she approached. I knew that underneath her hard exterior, she was trying to suppress her excitement upon meeting me again.   
“I see your horse was enough motivation for you to come.” She held her head high and with confidence, but I still didn’t know why she wanted me to see her. She made herself clear the night of the war on the Mountain.   
“And I came. Why did you need to see me?” The ‘why’ came out sharply. A lot more sharp than I wanted it to. I could feel myself becoming irritable and defensive. I could never forgive her for forcing me to kill hundreds of innocent people.   
“Come” She turned away from me, and like her gona, she expected us to accompany her. 

Unlike the stares I received from my own people, the Grounders looked at me with respect. Bellamy lurked behind us, swiveling his body back and forth so that he could see an incoming attack before it happened. I searched for his eye contact. When our gazes finally met, I crinkled my eyebrows as if to say ‘Stop worrying, it’s okay’. He huffed, and trotted a bit to keep up with us.   
At the entrance of Lexa’s lair, Indra stopped in front of him.   
“Heda has requested time alone with Klark kom Skaikru.” I could feel Bellamy’s anger rising as he looked past Indra to me. His eyes pleaded for me to convince Lexa to let him come with me. I turned away and felt a worried stare on the back on my head. 

“You and Bellamy.” I couldn’t tell if this was a statement or a question, but I could feel Lexa’s hidden pain. “Are you…”   
“No.” I said quickly. “Did you summon me just so you could ask me about Bellamy?”   
“No.” Her eyes looked lost, but she made intense eye contact with me, like she was trying to read into my keryon. “Your people were spotted hunting on our land without my consent. I have no choice except to disregard the treaty of peace.” Her gaze was suddenly cold and unwavering, just as it was when she made the deal with the Mountain that left me defenseless.   
“If any of your people are seen on our soil, there will not be hesitation. There will be war, and we will win.”   
I was suddenly dizzy. Lexa surprised me with her sudden lack of emotion. What would I tell Arkadia? I wasn’t even planning on staying.   
She turned away from me, sighed and said, “Your horse is in the stable.” I could feel the hurt in her voice. I wasn’t sure why, because she was the one who drove me away. I stormed out of the tent to meet Bellamy. He looked incredibly concerned when he saw my anger.   
“Let’s go.” With large strides, I swiftly walked to the wooden stable. Bellamy trotted to keep up with me.   
There wasn’t a lead rope or anything to lead my horse with, so latched onto his mane and led him out of the camp. The Grounders bowed with respect like they always had, but I knew that was under Lexa’s command. I averted my gaze focused on the warm tingly feeling that came as a result of Bellamy’s presence. 

***

On the Ark, I spent a good fraction of my time engrossed in books. Science fiction, adventure… romance- I loved them all. I loved the feeling when I forget I’m reading and words don’t feel like words, but instead a movie that begins playing while I’m the only person in the theater. In a large majority of these books, there is a love story. Every love story has a line that sounds like this: “Their passionate love was a powerful fire that could burn the entire world to ashes.” Very few of these stories show the friendship between the two lovers, and I believe that authors of those stories was missing the point. Were the lovers even friends? Or were they just an impressive force that could dominate whatever they touched? 

***

Bellamy marched with a hand on his gun and a hand on my shoulder. He was protective, sweet, kind, and my best friend. I don’t understand why I’m waiting to be with him. He was everything a girl dreamed of having.   
It was dark and cold when we finally reached the Arkadia sign. I was exhausted, and the way Bellamy’s eyes drooped showed he was tired as well. Although, his hand stayed anchored to my shoulder, as if he were trying to keep me from leaving again. 

“What did the Commander want?” My mother greeted me in the middle of the camp. Her once worried face brightened with relief when she saw us stumble into camp.   
“ I’ll tell you and Kane in the morning. I just want to sleep.” Mom looked disappointed, but she nodded wearily. “Bellamy can show you where to sleep. I’ll take your horse.” She grabbed my horse’s mane in the spot where my hand was and Bellamy guided me towards the cabins on the far side of our turf.   
Bellamy sighed before he spoke. “Your mom said you should sleep in my cabin.” I turned my head to give him a suspicious stinkeye. He shook his head in amusement. “Don’t worry. I’ll sleep on the floor.” He shot a side smile at me and I couldn’t help but snicker.   
“Your hand is like squeezing my shoulder,” I sneered “I can’t feel it.” He loosened his grip and his gaze immediately became apologetic.   
“I’m just kidding!” I flicked up my eyebrows and smiled at him so that he would calm down.   
“Oh yeah?” He smirked. “Would you rather I hold you like this?” He draped his arm around the small of my back and landed his hand on the curve of my hip. It tickled, and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling.   
Soon the lights from the main junction of Arkadia disappeared and the darkness swallowed us. I was closer than I had ever been to Bellamy and the stars in his eyes were identical to the stars above our heads. I was certain that I also had stars in my eyes as we danced hip-on-hip to Bellamy’s cabin. 

***

*So, honey, now  
Take me into your loving arms  
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
Place your head on my beating heart*

I woke up to music. I haven’t heard music since I was in space. I recognized this old music as Ed Sheeran, which was what our great grandparents used to listen to when they were teenagers. 

*I'm thinking out loud  
Maybe we found love right where we are*

“God Bellamy. I didn’t think you were the type to have romantic songs as your alarm.”   
Bellamy stirred on the floor next to my bed. He was pressed up against my mattress, to the point where he might as well have been on the mattress with me.   
“I can be so romantic…” He said groggily without opening his eyes. 

*‘Cause, honey, your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen  
And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory*

“Mmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh” Bellamy stretched and a pterodactyl screech erupted. I stifled a laugh. He didn’t seem like the kind of person to make a high-pitched dinosaur noise upon waking. His eyelids flickered open to reveal his dark brown eyes, which promptly found mine.   
“Hi Clarke.”   
“Hi Bell.” 

*I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways  
Maybe it's all part of a plan  
Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes  
Hoping that you'll understand*

“Go turn that off.” I jokingly whined. I didn’t hate this song.   
“Well maybe I’d rather dance.” He stood up and dumped his wool blanket onto the mattress.   
“This isn’t really dance music…” I was trying my best to get out of dancing. I was never a good dancer. (or even a mediocre one) 

*That, baby, now  
Take me into your loving arms* 

“Anything can be dance music if you try hard enough.” He gently took my hand and led me to the bare floor in front of the mattress. 

*Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
Place your head on my beating heart*

Before I knew what was happening, we were dancing. With one hand on my waist, and one grasping my hand, he led me through a series of turns, spins, and sways. I was breathless and my feet seemed to be floating. I couldn’t hear the song, and I forgot where I was. All I could think about was him and his strong hand pressed against my waist. For the first time, I had found someone I hate leaving. I found someone I couldn’t get enough of. I’ve found someone who accepts me for who I am and doesn’t tell me I need to change. I found someone I could picture falling madly in love with. And this terrified but excited me all at the same time. Just like when I was told I needed to come to the Ground. 

*Oh, baby, we found love right where we are  
And we found love right where we are*

As Ed Sheeran’s voice faded, Bellamy looked into my eyes and whispered a single word. “Wow”  
“Wow what?” I asked. His hand tore away from my hip and he let go of my hand. 

“I need to go and work. I have Gate Duty.” He began pulling on clothes and I realized that he had been dancing in his boxers and I had been dancing in ripped spandex shorts and just a white tank top. “And you,” his eyes met mine “need to go talk to your mother about what happened yesterday.” I began pulling to dirty clothes that I had been wearing before. Bellamy stopped me with a motion of his hand and grabbed the garments out of my hands. 

“Do you expect me to wear these practically see-through clothes today? I don’t think so.” I teased. Bell smiled at the floor.   
“You look good like that.” We both blushed at the same time and he looked particularly embarrassed. “And as much as I would like to see you wearing that all day, your mother left some of your clothes in the cabin. They’re in the bathroom.”   
I lurched towards the bathroom and found clean clothes on the floor. I used the barely running water to rinse my face and underarms, whilst washing the scratches that I had obtained from fall the other day. 

When I emerged, Bellamy was already gone and I could see him trotting towards the Gate from the doorway. Soon he was out of sight and I laid on his mattress one more time to immerse myself in his scent. 

***

Telling my mother and Kane about what Lexa said to me was difficult. They were both aware that none of our people had wandered onto Trikru territory. I had never been a flat-out liar, but I withheld information. I didn’t want them to know that Lexa probably made up the story because she was jealous of Bellamy. 

“So what are we going to do?” I asked meekly. Hoping that they wouldn’t kill the messenger.   
“Well what can we do?” Kane muttered gruffly, as if it were not a question, but a threat. “I guess we'll just have to hunt on the land behind our turf, rather than in the forest in front of it. That way there will be no risk of one of our people wandering into their territory. Simple.” Kane stopped pacing to look at my mom, who was staring at the ground with her arms enveloping her chest.   
“What is it?” Kane asked my mom in a soft voice that is only heard when he speaks to her.   
“It’s my fault.” Her voice was a quiet whisper. I could barely hear it.   
“It’s my fault.” She repeated only slightly louder. She tilted her head back up to meet my eyes. “It’s my fault that the Commander is angry.” There were teardrops forming in my mom’s eyes.   
“What do you mean?” I asked sullenly, my eyes steady on hers. She sighed and unraveled her arms, only to clasp them behind her back.   
“The day after you left, I went to see the Commander. I thought you might have been with her,” she began. My stomach dropped and I suddenly felt dizzy. “When she told me you weren’t there, I almost got stabbed because I told her that she was the reason you had to leave.” A faint smile ghosted upon her lips, as if she remembered the incident as a funny one.   
“You did what?! I exclaimed. I tried my best to control my emotions, but i could feel my blood rushing to my cheeks as a result of my anger. I couldn’t believe my mother threatened Lexa on my behalf. I didn’t want to be treated like a kid that need her mommy to stand up for her.   
I left the room with balled fists; behind me, I could hear Kane console my mother. “It’s okay. We’ll fix it.” He gushed.   
I suppressed a groan as I listened to Kane suck up to my mother. I had always known that they liked each other. Everyone knew. But, seeing them together made me want to throw up. 

***

My mother called an emergency gathering for all of Arkadia that evening. I was late after spending the rest of the late morning and afternoon in the security of Bellamy’s cabin. Showing up late to this meeting was not the smartest idea. The same brutal stares I received yesterday were shot at me once again.   
“The front gate will remain locked, and we will proceed to hunt and gather in the fields and sparse forests behind the cabins. Is that clear?” Worried and angry people nodded in agreement, although many of them cursed under their breath.   
“Oh, and there’s a full moon tonight.” Kane added this unnecessary comment as if trying to gain some recognition. No one was listening anyway.   
I stood among my people, and they discreetly kept their distance. It shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did. I will forever be known as the girl who killed hundreds of innocent people to save a few. But I have no regret. Those few were my family.   
As the meeting ended, people returned to their jobs and I was left standing in the middle of our land, watching and observing. My mother stood stoically upon a stage made of metal. Her head was raised high, her shoulders were thrust back and her feet were apart ever so slightly. She looked like a cliche tyrant or action hero.   
“Hey.” I felt a familiar firm hand on the small of my back. Bellamy. His dark brown eyes met mine and he pushed his slick curls out of his eyes. “You okay?” His voice cracked when he asked me. His love was childlike: genuine and caring. I pursed my lips together before shaking my head.   
“What happened?” His question had a hidden meaning: ‘Who do I need to talk to? Who hurt Clarke? Who do I need to beat?’   
“Bell, It’s okay.” I laid my hand on his square shoulder. “I’ll be fine.”   
“You’ll BE fine? Why aren’t you fine NOW?!” My effort to calm him down was no use. But his protectiveness was kind of sweet and reminded me of when he defended and believed in me.   
“Bell, I swear…”  
“What happened?!”   
“I just..-”  
“You just… what?”  
His tenderness and possessiveness was endearing, but I was starting to get slightly annoyed at his inability to let me finish a sentence.   
“I just feel like no one here wants me… Look at them. They hate me. They won’t even look at me…”   
Bellamy was silent for a moment with a smile in his eyes. His expression was soft, unlike his usual stern gaze.  
“They just don’t know you like I do.” He whispered softly. “They just need to get to know you better.” He sighed, and he looked at me like I was a flare. I thought that this must be a mistake. No one could ever think of me like that.   
“Come here.” He dropped his gun and it landed with a crack crack ping in the dirt. He spread his arms and I reluctantly stepped forward to be entrapped in his strength. Spending the day surrounded by his faint scent was nothing compared to being surrounded by him. He smelled dusty and earthy from being outside all day long. He smelled like sunlight, and sweet sweat, and pine.   
“To be honest with you,” he breathed into my hair “I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about; and I have a heart. A heart that’s aching to see you smile again.” I pressed my face into his chest. I was beginning to trust him, and that scared me. Every minute that I spent in his arms gave him new ways to hurt me. And the weird part was, I didn’t think he would hurt me. But a false sense of security had hurt me before.   
I pulled away from him, but in response, he held me tighter as if to say ‘Never leave me again”. There was something about him that pulled me to him since the day we met on the Dropship. Now, there was something pulling me to him that was stronger than ever before, and I never wanted it to end.   
He finally let go after several long moments, but he kept an arm wrapped around my shoulders as he led me to his cabin. Leaving his gun on the bare earth. 

***

“Do you think there’s something we can do about Lexa?” I asked as we got ready to sleep. I had no sleep wear, so I once again settled for a bra and underwear. Bellamy was sleeping in boxers like he usually did. We had seen each other practically naked many times, and we were both comfortable with our arrangement.   
“You know,” he grunted as he struggled to take his tank top off. “You are the only person who still calls her Lexa.” He joked.   
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”   
“I don’t think there’s anything we can do, Clarke.” I loved the way he said my name. He said it softer than the rest of the sentence. We left the cabin to get some air, and like Kane said, there was a full moon tonight.  
“But, I feel like I could do something! Lexa is only doing this because she’s jealous of you-” Shit. Word vomit. I didn’t mean to say that. Shit.   
Bellamy’s face lit up with genuine amusement. “She’s jealous? Of me?” He laughed. A deep throaty laugh that led me to believe me might choke on his own smile. “Why would she be-” He became silent for a second before saying “Oh” We stood in front of his cabin, staring at the beautiful moon, which seemed bigger than it had ever been before. I focused on it in order to distract myself from the horrifying conversation that was taking place.  
His face became as red as a rose and he closed his eyes when he sensed me staring into them.   
“So.. she thinks.. we’re.. together…?” He was an adorable mess of emotions that made my heart melt. I was terrified.   
“Aren’t we?” I implored, stepping closer to him.   
“I don’t know. Are we?” He said with a hint of sarcasm and a dash of joy. He laced his fingers into mine and held on as tight as he could without hurting me.   
He tilted his head downward ever so slightly to plant a gentle kiss on my forehead. I felt warm and my heart was beating a mile a minute.   
“Clarke Griffin?” There it was again. The yummy feeling that came when he said my name.   
“Yeah.”   
“Did we just-” He got distracted and stopped midsentence.  
“- become official? I guess so.” I answered. But before the last word left my lips, his fingers were in my hair and his lips were on my mouth and the world cracked open.   
I have had kisses before: with Finn, with Lexa, with Alonso, and even with Niylah. Those kisses felt like merely an action or a gesture. Those kisses felt warm, but also like something rubbery was attacking my lips.   
Bellamy kissed me like he had waited his entire life for it. He kissed me like a drowning man that was finally receiving air. One of his hands roamed my scalp gently, while the other pushed the small of my back towards him. There was no escape, but I didn’t want to escape. The night sky seemed to swirl around us and everything was dark and blurry; like a Van Gogh painting. His eyes were closed, so I closed mine and the world stopped spinning. His hand pressed farther into my back to keep me in place and the scenery fell away.   
With this kiss, I felt my past slip away. I let everything go: Lexa, Alonso, my awful view of my own soul. Bellamy cleansed me by making me feel like everything, after feeling like nothing.   
I had never known what love felt like until he filled my heart with pieces of himself. I wanted him in the bluntest way. I wanted his hands , his lips, his skin on mine. I wanted him like the sea wants the shore. I wanted him the way rain wants to fall and the way the sun wants to shine. No amount of rain could put out the blaze I felt for him.   
I had never gotten so lost in a kiss before. I tasted him and realized that I had been starving for him. I had loved before, and I had kissed before, but it didn’t burn me alive like this did. It could have lasted a minute. It could have lasted an hour. But all I knew was that this kiss, this stubbly but enthralling kiss, led me to believe that he was the person that I had been waiting for my entire life.   
He finally pulled away after an unknown amount of time, and the ground felt solid beneath my feet once again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you liked it.


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